


Never Felt Another Way

by SolidVACUJ



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Extramarital Affairs, F/M, M/M, dave/jade unrequited but i dont wanna clog that tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-19
Updated: 2019-11-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 12:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21494218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SolidVACUJ/pseuds/SolidVACUJ
Summary: Dave Strider is a no-good coward.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 11
Kudos: 56





	Never Felt Another Way

The world seems to turn a lot slower, now. The tides of the rebellion happen outside, President Crocker's reign ruling over the world with an iron whisk. Jade is tutting around in the kitchen, preparing a dinner that Dave will hardly taste, not even aware that he isn't in the house anymore. He's been gone for a while, which is pretty funny considering today was the day he promised that he would discuss having children with her. Another dodged responsibility to add to the growing pile, Jade's feeling ignored yet again. Dave feels the weight of guild on his back as he walks out into the city, a desperate string of texts flying from his fingers as he pays for a seedy hotel room.

The lobby glows orange in the evening light, the sun setting just outside. The bubbly girl working at the register has been servicing him without looking up, smiling at her monitor as he checks in. His shoes sink into the cheap carpet as he stands, shifting from foot to foot. Dave keeps peeking behind him like he's scared someone he knows will come, like he thinks someone will find him out, but none of his friends would ever come to a place like this. It's too out there, away from the action. Dave runs a hand through his coarse hair and swallows another lump, waiting on the receptionist to finally hand over his key and let him get on with this.

"Wow, you're--" The receptionist begins, stars in her eyes when she finally looks up at him, buck teeth poking out as she grins. "You're Dave Strider! Wow!" She says, grabbing his card with a shaking hand. Her eyes have the bright blue of the Harley-English-Egbert-Crocker genes, her blowy black hair ruffled just enough to be stylish. It makes another painful sting ring out through his body, more unhappy memories piling onto his terrible, no-good conscience. She swipes his card without thinking, not even looking away from him. 

"Hell yeah I am. The one and only." Dave paints a smirk on his face, standing straighter and trying to convince himself to try to be personable despite his mood. "Want an autograph or something?" Dave offers, quirking one eyebrow. The girl actually giggles, airy and carefree. 

"Pfft, I think I'm good, honestly! Nice to meet you, though." The girl hands him a key, smiling. "Here's your key! Hope your stay is good, Mr. Strider." She says, looking back down at her computer for a moment. She begins typing something with a wide smile.

"Hey, one last thing." Dave says, quieter like he doesn't want anyone to hear. "If Karkat Vantas comes in, give him a key to my room." Dave pulls out a hundred dollar bill, slipping it across the counter. The girl stares at it for a moment, ocean eyes wide under thick lashes. She adjusts her glasses nervously, looking up at Dave and back down at the money. 

"Karkat Vantas?" She mutters, confused for a moment as she tries to take in Dave's sudden shift. "Sure, uh, Mr. Strider. You don't have to pay me, though, I could just..." She begins to say, but she doesn't finish. Dave gets it anyways, shrugging off her concerns. 

"Consider it a tip." He waves as she saunters off. His fancy dress shoes click against the linoleum as he ascends the stairs, mind spinning all the while. In his desperation he managed to slip into a suit, one of the many that he keeps around to maintain his image. He even combed his hair back, hoping to look nice. He wonders if he looks nice. 

He puts the small plastic key-card against the door to his room, the quiet beep ringing through the hall as it unlocks itself. The hotel sucks, but at least they have a good security system. He can hear a couple going at it from three rooms away, but nobody will get into the room unless he wants them to. Dave steps into the room with a dash, slamming the door behind him as quickly as possible. The longer he spends out there the more chances he has of getting caught, after all. 

The room is the same as all the other rooms he's hidden away in. Dark, clean, and lonely. The sheets are patterned with green lizards and the walls are just off-white enough to make the room feel like somewhere you could sleep. The television is old, the channels are boring, and like usual he settles on Judge Judy. The bed creaks as he sits down on it, suit wrinkling as he slumps. The rickety air conditioner putters away in the window, cooling the room just enough to make having it there be worth it. 

Dave's phone vibrates in his pocket, but he ignores it. Another problem for another Dave, he thinks, and continues to stare at the Judge's face in the dark. However many years since they've come to this planet and they're still not rid of her, re-runs playing over and over despite the woman being dead for, fuck, 3000 or so years now? Jesus Christ, Dave hates thinking about that. He turns the channel just to stop thinking about it, but the news is just as depressing and the few shows playing are stupid as hell. Salamander Cops does catch his interest, though. 

The little yellow dudes wander around the screen trying to find a thief, and god damn it's adorable. Dave wonders if that's a derogatory thing to think. They are cute, Dave knows that, but would calling them cute to their face be rude? Dave thinks John calls them cute, and John lives in Salamander Town, so it would probably be okay. The salamander on screen blows a big bubble in the office, popping so loud that it silences the other salamanders. He starts giving a speech about the case and Dave thinks that he likes that little dude. 

Dave ends up with his head against the headboard and his legs sprawled out on the bed. His eyes are half-lidded behind his shades, hand lazily holding the remote. The television shines against his shades, his skin reflecting blue. The room is dark, depressing, and Dave's phone finally stops vibrating in his pocket. Whoever (Jade) was trying to talk to him (Jade) finally stopped, and he thanks whoever (Jade) is out there that they (Jade) finally stopped. 

Dave squints his eyes, pushing up his shades to pinch the bridge of his nose. His head throbs as he thinks about his cute doggy wife finding the couch empty, then going up to his room to look for him. His room would be empty too, which isn't that funny? Even after living together and being married for the past two years they still haven't combined their rooms. She would find him gone and then look through the entire house and then begin texting him about where he is. She would just keep getting more and more angry about it, too. He can picture the words on his phone without thinking because this isn't a new thing for them, he can feel her spiteful words even as he sits calmly on this bed that isn't theirs. 

"Goddamn." Dave mumbles to himself, groaning as he slams a hand into his forehead. Beating the thoughts out of himself has never worked before, but maybe it will now. Maybe something will be different this time, maybe he'll finally be able to just think clearly, maybe, maybe, maybe. 

His phone gives one more weak vibration against his ass, a gentle noise in the darkness that contrasts with the blubbing salamanders on television. He can't really resist it anymore, so he pulls it out and looks at it.

GG: dave!!!!! 

GG: UGH!!!!!!!!!! 

GG: DAVEEEEE!!!!!!!!! 

GG: WHERE ARE YOU? 

GG: ARE YOU HIDING? 

GG: at least talk to me before running off! maybe we could, i dont know, 

GG: TALK ABOUT WHATS WRONG??? 

GG: im your wife dave we have to talk about things! 

GG: whatever youre going through i want to help! 

GG: i cant help when you just RUN OFF ALL THE TIME! 

GG: you know you can tell me what youre thinking right? 

GG: you never tell me what youre thinking! 

GG: it makes me so sad to know that you dont trust me with your feelings... :( 

GG: did you not want to talk about having kids? 

GG: i know you have hang ups because of your bro but i think you would make such a cute dad! 

GG: dave please respond im getting really worried. :( 

GG: fine. ok. be a big baby about it then! 

GG: ill just sit here and eat dinner alone. 

GG: when you get back i am going to give you a very stern talking to, dave. 

GG: you cant just keep treating me like this! 

And there the messages stop, Jade presumably eating dinner in their shared kitchen alone. She probably dressed up for this, she's been so excited to talk about having kids. Adoption, she says with a big smile, and then Dave only smiles back because he feels like it would make her feel better. Because she feels bad, and Dave knows that, but he doesn't want to deal with it. She's so brave and happy despite her problems, and it tires Dave out so much. She smiles at him and calls him her husband and he wants to vomit for some reason. 

The wedding is a fresh wound for him, but an open and flowery memory for Jade. She cries when he talks about it, says he's the best thing to ever happen to her, and Dave knows that isn't right. He smiles and talks about how John tripped, or how Rose got a bit too drunk, or how Roxy seemed extra out of it, but he never tries to think about their night together. They were a unit, or they were supposed to be, but Dave never wants to think about them together. He remembers so long ago pining across the sea and wondering when he would get the nerve to ask out the cute, lonely girl, but now he thinks he never would have. 

He's always been weak for her, he knows that. She could stomp his feelings into the ground and he would get back up so that she could do it again, if she wanted. He would stand over her corpse and fight to the death for her, one of his best friends. Yet, he remembers for the thousandth time, sitting on the couch with her and... with her and Karkat. She had felt like a wall to him then. 

When Jade had finally dropped enough hints and told him to ask her to marry him, he hadn't felt anything. When Karkat had walked out of their lives so long ago, he felt something. He felt so wrong, like there was a parasite writhing in his guts. He had felt like that all the time with Karkat, though. Like there was a worm in him that plugged up his mouth when he wanted to say so many stupid, sappy things. Jade had even gotten 'with him' before Dave ever did, which ate him up as she watched her flail and pretend to be his kismesis. 

He could never say no to Jade, though. He could never look at her pretty green eyes and tell her that he didn't ever really want to date her. Even when he thought he did, when he would see pictures of her and think about loving her, he didn't really. He wanted to love her because she's pretty and cool and funny, but... 

"Hey." A gruff voice comes from nowhere, cutting off his elongated train of thought. It sneaks up on him, takes him out of everything, and suddenly he's on the ground with a sword in his hand, backed up against the farthest wall and breathing like he hasn't in a long time. Dave is shaking as he looks up at the dark form of someone familiar, someone very, very familiar. 

"Karkat?" Dave mumbles, voice raw. He hasn't spoken in days, locked up in his room. Jade has always been fine with sticking to text, but he can tell that she really isn't. 

"Yeah, who the hell else would it be?" Karkat scowls, voice rough like someone who's spent the past year yelling so loudly that millions will listen. "Fuck, Dave, have you just been sitting around in the dark?" Karkat says, feeling around for the light. It clicks on and flickers before the room is finally bathed in yellow. Dave's face scrunches at the sudden light, but doesn't complain. 

"Karkat." Dave says, and his voice is shaking. It sounds pathetic, sounds so fucking stupid, but he can't remember the last time he felt this happy to see anything. 

"How could I not come after you send me 800 infuriating grating texts, begging for my presence at some low-brow hotel in the middle of nowhere?" Karkat crosses his arms, his chest so much broader than Dave remembers. Dave craves to touch it. "You know, I have very important things I could be doing basically all the time. I don't have the fucking time to come out here and babysit your scrawny ass." Karkat eyes Dave up and down, frowning like he wants to say more. Dave drops his sword to the floor, the metal cushioned by the thin carpet. 

"I know." Dave says. "But who wouldn't take time to come see me, right? As if you could resist the urge to some get some one-on-one time with the coolest man alive." Dave's voice takes on its normal vibrato, a smile coming onto his face as he looks at Karkat. His hair is so much shorter than it had been, back then. Karkat looks like he's actually grown up. 

"Dave, texting me out of nowhere and begging for my presence isn't me not resisting your infallible charm. It's more like taking pity on you and showing up out of mercy." Karkat is full-out concern frowning now. Dave still hasn't taken his back off of the wall, pathetically slouched over like he doesn't want to ruin this. 

"As if, shitstain. You don't have to play hard to get with me, Karkat." Dave says, and it sounds like a million things he's said before. The almost-flirting that he falls back on every time he gets around Karkat, the pathetic will-they-won't-they that the two of them have been in for so long coming back full force. It takes a new meaning now, with them both in relationships, but Dave can't help it. He just wants this back. 

"I knew this was a waste of time." Karkat sighs. "Stop sending me desperate texts like this. I only came this time to tell you to stop doing that. We are friends," the word friends makes Dave's stomach clench, "but I want to keep us as business oriented as possible. I am running a rebellion here." Karkat is growling behind his words, rolling his eyes as Dave slumps further. Karkat begins to turn to leave again, but Dave can't let him.

"Wait, don't leave, Kat." Dave pushes off of the wall. Karkat stops in place, looking over at Dave with judgmental concern. "Please." Dave says as he makes his way to Karkat, getting as close as he dares. Their chests almost touch, Karkat's breath ghosting over Dave's neck. Karkat's eyes are intense as they look at Dave, and he can't see how intensely Dave is looking back.

"Why should I waste another second of my time, Dave?" Karkat stage whispers. "I have a life to get back to." Karkat drives a nail into Dave's throat, hurting him so deeply without even having to try. 

"Karkat," Dave starts, but his voice cuts off. He instead leans forward and puts his head into the crook of Karkat's shoulder, hands snaking around Karkat's waist. Dave hasn't initiated contact with someone in so long. He always lets Jade take the lead because he never feels like touching her, but here it's something that he's craved for far too long. He lets himself soak how warm Karkat is, how sturdy he's become. He's taller than Dave, now, with broad shoulders and a barrel body. Dave is all edges and points, where Karkat still has that dependable softness that Dave wants to bury himself in. 

"Come on, Dave. Don't be pathetic." Karkat says, but there is no fire behind it. There's a softness to his voice that comes out. It reminds Dave of their times watching movies and talking, their heads pointed at the screen and not paying attention. So close to touching, yet not. 

"Karkat, I don't want you to leave." Dave confesses into Karkat's ear, hands clinging to Karkat's military-grade uniform. 

"Goddamn it." Karkat groans, leaning into Dave's touch. He sweeps Dave off of his feet with his hug, arms lifting him as Karkat leans into him. "Is this why you keep texting me?" Karkat asks, and it's muffled into Dave's suit. 

"Not really." Dave pushes Karkat away, then takes the sides of his face into his hands. Karkat doesn't mention the desperate expression on Dave's face, the set to his jaw that makes it look like he's been clenching his jaw for far too long. When Dave pulls Karkat down for a kiss Karkat doesn't fight. 

It's soft, tender. They meet like they should have so long ago, in all of those quiet moments that they had shared. Those silences that lasted too long, eye contact that was so much more. Their lips are chapped against each other's, and they have much more experience than they would have if they kissed back then, and Karkat is the one who has to lean down, but it's good. It causes a warm explosion in Dave's chest, a sudden burst of feeling that makes him want to bask in it for as long as he exists. 

"Dave," Karkat starts to say something, but Dave pulls him back into a kiss. Dave stumbles back until his knees hit the bed. "Dave, listen to me, you insufferable moron!" Karkat says when they part again. Dave sits on the bed, scooting back to make room for Karkat. Karkat growls at this, but he climbs onto the bed as well. 

"What is it?" Dave lays back, smiling like he just hit the jackpot. His head is spinning and when Karkat crawls over him he laces his fingers into Karkat's curly hair. "I like your new 'do. Looks super cute on you." Dave's cheeks must be bright red now, and his stomach swirls uncomfortably as he says that, but he needed to say it. He can't stand not saying everything to Karkat anymore. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Karkat asks, hovering over Dave. Dave has his legs sprawled out, one of Karkat's in-between them. Karkat is on all fours, barely touching Dave. 

"Dunno." Dave answers simply, pulling Karkat down for another kiss. He tries to scream through the kiss, tries to tell Karkat so many things, and he wonders if it works. Karkat purrs into the kiss, one of his hands cupping Dave's cheek. He pulls off Dave's shades, looking at his bright red eyes like he can't get enough of them. Both of them look struck, red-faced and elated, but Karkat can't help but hesitate.

"Are you trying to have an affair with me?" Karkat pulls away and looks at Dave, really looks at him. Dave looks like he hasn't slept in weeks. At the question he shrivels further, happy smile morphing into a disgusted scowl. He looks like he can't stand himself, and Karkat can hardly stand him, either. Tears well up in Dave's eyes and he looks up at Karkat like Karkat is his entire world. 

"Y...yeah." Dave mumbles, and the tears break from his eyes. "I am." Dave mumbles, and he rubs a hand against his eye. He shoves his fist against his eye like he wants to hurt himself, wiping away his tears. 

"Dave. What the fuck." Karkat doesn't move, though. He doesn't want to. "I know that human marriages are supposed to be closed. Does Jade know about this?" Karkat still has a hand on Dave's cheek, rubbing his thumb in circles. 

"No." Dave has his eyes covered with his arm, shame filling his entire body and pooling in his chest. Dave knows that a dam is going to break someday, but he wills it not to be today. 

"This is wrong, Dave." Karkat still doesn't pull away, but he does pull Dave's arm away from his eyes. Puffy red eyes stare back into Karkat's own mutant red eyes, an understanding falling between them. Karkat leans back into Dave after a moment, their lips meeting again in one final act of betrayal. Dave doesn't care about much anymore, his fingers lacing through Karkat's hair and his legs winding around Karkat's waist.

They fall into each other like they've never been with anyone else. It's clumsy, and it's awkward, and Dave will never tell anyone about how he cried after they were done. They move together like they were meant to, sweet hands and kind embraces, laughter and screaming. It makes them both wish they weren't cowards deep down, and it makes them think about years of missed opportunity. Dave is curled against Karkat's side, unable to let him go for fear that he would never come back.

**Author's Note:**

> hi!!! this fic was inspired by this AWESOME art by gaytreasure on tumblr! You can go see it [here!!!](https://gaytreasure.tumblr.com/post/189162901127/i-shouldnt-be-allowed-to-touch-davekat-bc-all-i)
> 
> i couldnt get a hold of them to ask if it was ok to link their work, but its so good. everyone go look @ it


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